I am so FRUSTRATED right now it's not funny. I was on my last sentence for my blog, and my laptop crashes. Even though I saved it now it's GONE!!! So I have to start over, and after getting through writers block I now have to figure out again what I want to write. I have noticed that lately I am having issues remembering things verbatim. It is driving me insane. It makes taking notes for journals and what not extremely difficult. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
I am happy to see the kids again, I did miss them. Within the first 10 minutes I realized that they missed me too. As soon as they came into the classroom Monday they all had to come and see me. They let me know very quickly that they missed me and that they were happy to see me again. This made me feel very good. At least with the kids I am getting positive feedback. These kids are so amazing and I am honored to get to work with them.
I wished I could say that I was sad to miss my classes, but unfortunately that is not the case. I missed seeing my classmates. It was also nice to not have that gnawing feeling of despair on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. I am trying so hard, and it feels like the more I try the worse it is. I have heard that when you break something down, it will be stronger when you build it back. Well I for 1 am ready to be built back up. This experience has made me aware of my students feelings. The student should never feel less than. I see myself consciously trying to think before I do or say anything. I don't want my students to stop trying because they think why should I.
I have decided that on Thursday nights and possibly Tuesday nights after class I am not going to look at my book or read anything after class. I feel like I need a break somewhere in my over busy week. I discovered that otherwise I really have no down time. I wish I could be a total student, and not have to work. Unfortunately, I have to have gas to get to school and I do have to eat. I know next semester won't be any easier but I need to try to get as much saved up as I can.
I feel so scatter brained tonight and I'm sure this blog is disorganized. I am doing basically what my students did today. I'm doing a brain dump, but instead of doing it in my journal it's on a blog.
Technology is stupid but way to overcome. I feel you completely on the whole needing time to yourself. I have a no class work policy right after class and right before class. It's easy to overlook ourselves as we take care of our daily needs and responsibilities. There is so much that you miss out on by having a tight schedule. But to achieve our goals we have to make sacrifices. Make sure to take a deep breath and get some fun in. Sometimes you have to just make it fit.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you describe the despair of classnights and how writing your blog feels like a brain dump, first time I've heard that by the way. We all feel that same way, but we're making it through... one way or another.
I know what you mean about the breaking down something/someone adn then building it into something/someone better. It is just hard to see the better when you are in the breaking down mode. It may seem like there is no light at the end of this tunnel, and I have heard from many that this semester will make or break you. I am determined (as I believe we all are) to make it! In class, I see passion and excitement in all of our faces when we speak about our students and time in the classroom. Stay focused on these points when you are faced with the frustrations and hurts of getting through the rest. If nothing else, we will be so prepared for ANYTHING a prinicpal or more experienced teacher may through our way. You got this!! Just try to find the small positives that can get you through the days. I have been literally saying each of my students' names and one thing about them to give me the encouragement to get to the next step.
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